Let's March toward Family Harmony

Social transformation has altered traditional family patterns, resulting in the rise of many family problems. Primary causes of these problems stem from individual different perceptions, clashes of living space, and lack of family time and interaction. These factors in turn cause "emotional gap" between husbands and wives. In addition, with differences in thoughts, habits and personalities, communication disorders frequently set in after marriage.

Generation gap between parents and children who spend little time together is a problem on the rise. Most children nowadays, at an early age, are either sent off to childcare centers or taken care of by nannies at home, while both parents concentrate and battle on their career fields. It would be more ideal if mothers can be stay home moms to take special care of the children, creating closer parent-child relationship. Otherwise, the widening of generation gap would result in alienation between parents and children. This is a reality. We can never return to the agricultural era that called for big families.

Special attention should be heeded to in handling in-law relationships. Daughter-in-laws should treat and respect their mother-in-laws as if they were their own parents. From the standpoint of mother-in-laws, though they are entitled to treat their daughter-in-laws as their own children, they should treat them as guests in certain aspects. For instance, from the perspective of loving daughter-in-laws, mother-in-laws should love them as their own offspring.

However, they should talk differently to them than to their own daughters. If they use harsh words with their daughters, the daughters may not get angry. But they can't do this with daughter-in-laws. Rather, they should treat them as guests of honor. By so doing, everyone will be happy.

Generally, mother-in-laws hope to have daughter-in-laws who are as clever as their own daughters, or with qualities according to their expectations. However, everyone's expectation is different in regards to the "ideal" daughter-in-law. Daughter-in-laws should be caring and fulfill filial duties. Although such kind of daughter-in-laws do exist, they are still the precious daughters of someone else.

Thus, mother-in-laws should treat them as guests of honor. In addition, after the sons are married, they become the husbands of other women. Mothers shouldn't discipline and demand too much from their sons. After marriage, they should let the wives take care of their sons. Mothers (parents) should not grumble night and day, and tell their sons what to do.

Instead of nagging and murmuring, it is more advisable for the parent-in-laws to recite the name of "Amitabha Buddha". After the children are married, parents should allow the new couple to have their own world and enjoy couplehood. When the children come for visits, parents should feel happy about it. In this way, disputes between parents and children or parent-in-laws and children-in-laws will not arise.

As for husbands and wives, we should be able to trust and support our other halves emotionally. However, we should not expect or demand that our other halves be submissive and compliant only to our wishes, think and analyze the way we do, act the way we would, or forcing them to become "us". These are inappropriate.

We should respect each other, respect our other halves' ways of thinking and habits-accept and let them be who they are. Simultaneously, we learn from their strengths. We shouldn't take our other halves as our properties but rather as our partners. Common sources of quarrels between husbands and wives include different opinions in child discipline, maintaining and strengthening family ties, and making friends. If the wife feels uncomfortable and jealous when her husband is talking to another woman, her psychological state at that moment will easily lead to disputes.

Regarding childcare, both the husband and wife should pay more attention. They should put more effort to understand their children, know how they feel and what they need. Whenever possible, parents should also take the time to play with their children, and be their friends. Kids will undergo many changes between the ages of 1 and 10. These changes include both physical and psychological.

When kids are about 16 or 17 years old, their personalities may experience changes as well. There aren't too many children who will stay the way they are forever. After understanding all these facts, parents should assist the growth of their kids through the understanding from a child's perspective, and teach them about right and wrong. This is yet another way to reduce family conflicts.